"Why?"

there are times when i just cant stand it anymore. its just one of those emo days i guess. everything seems to be going the wrong way, nothing seems to be going according to plan, friends feel like strangers and parents seem to be against you. what is one to do? i still cant figure it out.

Standing next to the window in my room i look out. look at all the people just going about, doing thier business, sorting out all the shit that goes down in their life according to their own understanding. then i think, what am i so worried about? things will change... but theres one thing that you just cant ignore and thats "why"... why did this shit have to happen? why did it have to go this way? why couldnt have things been the same? why didnt things get better? why is everythign going the wrong way, down? why am i feeling so crappy? why? and the question remains in ur mind..... eating away all the braincells that furiously chug away making electrical connections with countless neurons, exchanging information that leads to some sort of response.

but the real question is... why is there ever a why? why cant a why be a why not? i guess there are somethings that cant be answered cause they're not supposed to be answered. theres no single answer to all of this. is it cause ur supposed to learn from all the crap that happens and that u eventually find out the reason? i think not. a friend of mine likes to believe that the only reason to all of this is "Fate" but is that a reasonable answer? i mean... can you just leave it all to fate? ill give the same example here that i gave to her, can you just cross a street without looking left and right leaving it to fate to get you to the other side?.... i think not. but now that i think about it. its just not about fate.... its about "Faith". i guess you just gotta have faith in the big guy up there that what ever hes got in store for you, its for the better. i guess thats why iv come to term with the shit that happens in my life. i guess i try to believe that its all got a greater purpose and that i will actually learn something from it.

I chose door number 2. the way out. but like every door, a way out from something eventually becomes a way in to something else. so heres hoping that i end up somewhere that im actually comfortable with......